Posted March 20, 2012on:
I try to stay positive because no one wants to read blog entries that make them feel blue and I’d rather not put any more negativity out there. So let me instead call this a dose of reality: in my experience, waiting for a mate sucks most of the time. Yup, I said it! A human can only be patient for so long before those feelings of unworthiness creep in. I start thinking the reason I don’t have a “plus one” is because I don’t deserve one. Maybe I’m not nice enough, maybe I’m not smart enough, maybe I’m too fat, maybe I’m just plain unattractive!
But just when I’ve decided that I’ve finally discovered why I’m single, I’ll meet someone who’s meaner or fatter than I who is happily married to a wonderful man, leaving me back at square one, wondering what is wrong with me. (And of course I’ll feel awful for judging people and comparing them to me!) Or I’ll meet women far lovelier and kinder than I who are shockingly single and then I’ll realize that things really are not fair for these women either.
If you have ever felt like this, here’s the reminder we need: we are enough, exactly as we are. We don’t need to lose a pound or gain one IQ point to dazzle someone. We don’t need new clothing or more or less of anything to win someone’s heart. It’s tempting to “blame” your singleness on something (It’s my neuroses! or I’m too career-minded!) but I believe that when God matches you with your mate, you will be accepted by that person just as you are. To me there really is no greater gift than for someone to see you for who you are, annoying habits and all, and want to be with you anyway.
So what do we impatient singles need? To (continue to) wait. We need to wait until God’s timing matches our own timing, and trust that one day those two dates WILL coincide. Unfortunately we don’t get to know how long the wait is. At my age (33 in three short months!), having to wait even six months longer feels like punishment, but what if my wait is six more years? Or longer?
I won’t lie to you: if that’s the case, I see some emotional breakdowns in my future. Nothing tragic, mind you, but I will certainly shed more tears of frustration.
So to those waiting far more patiently than I, to those who are dedicating their time to living life and accomplishing their goals, congratulations! You’re doing just what you should be doing because life goes on, significant other or not. To those like me who have gotten caught up in feeling blue and feeling in limbo? Shake it off! Remember those goals you want to achieve, remember that God’s timing is best, and live your life. (Taking some time here and there to be weepy is ok I say…it’s part of being human. Just don’t take too long!)
I’ll try to follow my own advice.